u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
