If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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