Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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