so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
