Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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