Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
