Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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