Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize