She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
