your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I touched a dick in church today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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