i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
