He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize