I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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