When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize