Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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