apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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