last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
