I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
