So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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