seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize