I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
