She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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