I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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