i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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