Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
