Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
