Say something about gay babies.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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