he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
