I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm at about main and main street
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
