If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When are your genitals available?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
