If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
