he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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