youre lurking in front of me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize