I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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