I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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