Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
