someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
