My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
