Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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