Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
