I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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