Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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