got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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