remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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