I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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