You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
