it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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