every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
