you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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