I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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