With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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