You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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