Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
