I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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