Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
