WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
