if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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