Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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