You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
