so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
