And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
