there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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